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I Love My Monster

I Love My Monster

- To heal my HEART, that was my goal. I still didn’t know what major trauma I had as a kid but I could sort of draw the contours of it by now. -

My LSD mission in Bogota was just too easy: the first person I talked to was to be the one going drug shopping for me! After a couple of days enjoying the urban vibes, I was looking forward to be back on my quest.

My heart is attacking me!

The last time on LSD, I used the same technique I always do to uncover my Beliefs: writing my thoughts.

I asked the question ”Why do I Fear LOVE?” … but couldn’t answer it, I was blocked somehow.

Hummm…well, let’s go around and uncover what do I hold behind Love. So I asked “What do I think about LOVE?

… and this is what I saw my pen scribbling down: “LOVE is bad”…


WOW, something is wrong here. What the Heck is that belief! I tried to answer why I thought that Love was bad but couldn’t get on it, too struck by that discovery.

I went on to see Tupac. My energetic body was open (on LSD) so I did that one thing that triggers my energy to attack me: I CLOSED MY EYES!

When I close my eyes, it feels like putting down my guards and I get attacked. To the day of now, I cannot have visions eyes closed but it works very well eyes open!! –  I now, I’m a WEIRDO!

He looked at my energetic field and told me: “It’s your heart that is attacking you!”


Not a surprise really, since I am afraid of LOVE. But still, having your friend watching you and saying that YOUR OWN HEART IS ATTACKING YOU is somehow disturbing to say the least!

Quick Sum Up

  • I am afraid of LOVE and I thinks it’s BAD
  • I am afraid of my MONSTER: one symbol for various Realities – the BAD ME, DEATH, ANGER & THE UNKNOWN
  • I am afraid of DECEPTION

Healing Strategy

I could see two options to win my heart back:

  1. Encountering LOVE outside – Already attempted with rather DECEIVING results, so far.
  2. Confronting the Fear of my Monster.

Why N*2?

Since I think that LOVE = BAD and that I am afraid of the BAD ME = MY MONSTER, one don’t need to be able to solve non linear equations to figure out that LOVE = MY MONSTER  - By comfronting one’s fear, you make it disapear since Fears only exist in the invisible.

I had now a new strategy and especially another story to tell. I mean seriously, I think my inner self is the craziest sickest joker I’ve ever met…

I was to be A MONSTER to be IN LOVE !!!!!


…By the way, Do you know the Beauty & the Beast ?!

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