One day, Tupac came back from a journey saying: ”I saw you glued to yourself, trying to go forward, dragging yourself out of it”
I didn’t get the message right away. It wasn’t until recently that it flashed again in front of my eyes with the present situation.
When I wrote the article Dreaming The Dreamer, the realization of my fear of DECEPTION was striking – to say the least – and I responded as I do most of the time: with a strong Will and Determination. I was confident.
- Just for the story, Deception was to hit me again 3 days after I uncovered my Belief, using the sharpest surgery tool of all: LOVE – not surprising since I still hold a belief in deception! -
For the last month, I’ve had tremendous difficulties to connect with Ayahuasca and to get healings and transformations happening. We were both astonished to be confronted with so much resistance – I was definitely Tupac’s most difficult student.
The last attempt was to clear up everything for me. As usually, I just suffered from intense body cleanse, not really connecting at all while everybody else would come out grateful for their experience. Frustrating. DECEIVING!
I sat down amd started to think: “What is wrong with me? Why no connections?”
That plant has really nothing to see with all the other soul medicine you encounter. Unlike mushrooms, San pedro, Peyote… it will not connect you unless some conditions are there. The main psychic door it uses to kick in, is your reverence for a higher force, the source or anything you surrender to – It’s your connection to the Universe & your Soul.
I realized I have lost that connection. I felt empty, sort of meaningless. Without a connection, Life loses its magic and you get bored. It’s being too much of yourself, you start to see yourself everywhere. BOOORING!!
The same morning, I found where I hold that connection with the Universe and why I didn’t have it: IT WAS LOVE!
The center of my being, the motive of my journey, the purpose of my healings…. And my most challenging Fear… YES, I AM AFRAID OF LOVE!
Ok, so usually even if you have no or little connection, ayahuasca still sort of manages to kick in. How? It throws you to the ground, makes you vomit a good deal (aka makes you Vulnerable) and BOOM, you connect!
Well, I had a bigger filter to break through. My fear of DECEPTION.
I realized that as I would take the drink, I didn’t even believe in the process. Energetically, THIS IS HUGE! The journey was blocked to the start, the trigger was missing, the intention was empty! I couldn’t really surrender to it since I didn’t believe in it. I know it might sounds strange or hard to realize, it’s just that you create your reality, again. My future Self can be there, in front of me, but if Idon’t let it be me, if I don’t believe in it, it will hang out forever in a probable future teasing my fantasies as a ghost image, blurry and distant.
For me, DECEPTION could be THE MOST challenging fear you could get as it stands in front of anything you are trying to do or be. The very possibility of change is frozen.
So here I was:
- My Fear of DECEPTION was blocking any healing from the start.
- My Fear of LOVE kept me disconnected.
Life is a JOKE!!
As a result, looking at how much result I get and ease I can journey with LSD, compare to the Zombie mornings & Deceiving results I got with Ayahuasca, it made sense to change strategy.
What A relieve! – Yes, I love LSD. Clean, easy to navigate, no diet … I feel at home with it.
I was now on a Mission to bogota looking for Swiss Technology Molecules after having cross the continent and ocean to meet the Spirit Vine - Laugh NOW!!!