We were just beginning my real shamanic training / deep healing and already problems started to arise. Actually, the same that happened when I did my retreat alone with ayahuasca: NO CONNECTIONS!
My stomach is so stuck with undigested emotions that things really have a hard time to go through. Now this is not new. I remember as a kid I already had that “post traumatic issue” for that very often I couldn’t fall asleep at night, tormented by stomach pains. My mother would give me a pillow to hold on onto it and press it hard on my belly. I sometimes would take two or three or even pill up heavy books! It was making me feel better. This is something that I had all my life as far as I can remember and I am still doing it as I write these words! (not for long I hope).
When I drank ayahuesca, I would get stuck and just give me diarrhea, finally cleaning everything but NEVER kicked in!
Tupac went investigating with the spirits and came back with that:
“Your spirit need something strong, they said I should give you Borachero…”
Humm, what is that?
Interestingly, it was growing in our garden, another teacher plant very powerful and efficient for protection (He uses it also to wrap ayahuasca and protect it from other energies, especially women’s periods!)
Then he showed me the plant….WOW, that’s DATURA!!!!
I remembered the word of wisdom of my friend Tim once saying “Be careful with what you take and especially don’t play with Datura!”
Two days later, 20 leaves were boiling in a pot before being mixed with the infusion. – There are “los 4 caminos” with datura, you can take the Flower (the lightest), the Leave, the Bark (the strongest) and the Root –
I was ready to be not ready, for really how can you be ever ready when we tell you that:
“It will last 3 days, 2 intense. You will be drifting from reality to reality and meet your own mind, without the option to really control what is happening. Your body will not respond so I will be looking after you, feeding you and giving you water… and don’t be afraid if you can’t really see or focus your vision when you come back, it will be back within the next days!!!!”
The feeling of challenge and adventure almost made me excited… This was before I had drank it!
The first thing that surprised me was the taste… IT IS TASTELESS! Now that is weird, for that every plant medicine that I know of are known to taste bad! He didn’t give me the full dose, maybe a third.
An hour later, things started to get going. I took it during daytime “it helps to not drift to quick”. Then very gently, I felt my reality slipping away from my control without anything I could do. My attention was now drawn to my thoughts or anything happening behind the screen. The silence was getting thicker and thicker and was blowing through my Being like a soft and warm breeze slowly drifting me into a state of absolute and total powerlessness.
So what happens when we start losing control? …. WE GET SCARED!
Now wonder this is called THE DEVIL’S TRUMPET. It takes you right away inside your fears.
I could still barely stay in touch with my body, just enough to use all the power of my will to swing one arm to the side, throw one leg to the floor and drag my feet along the 2 meters between me and the toilets. The same feeling was there for speaking. Worse, I was scared of speaking for that I didn’t recognized my voice when after a psychic gymnastic I finally managed to babble “WATER”. In no time, my whole body felt dryer that summer time in the Algerian Sahara that drinking an oasis to the size of Dubai would have felt like a distant mirage! Still I tried.
I was strenghless and powerless, trying to focus as hard as I could in that reality. I was feeling like layers of transparent tape were being unscrated one after the other between me and the outside world. At the same time, my fear was intensifying and I could hear it screaming from the bottom of myself “I am coming for you”.
At some point, I started blinking between the outside and the inside, starting to be unsure in which world I was finding me…
And then, something incredible happened…. IT ALL STOPPED, JUST LIKE THAT!!!
Within two minutes, my consciousness flew back to me, my energy and control over the moment was given back and I found myself being able to walk and even to talk!!
Good thing I believe in miracles, I don’t now which spirit saved me but I owe him a good one! It’s really hard to tell how I would have come out of the experience for that often in shamanic initiations you have to go down to find the light… But seriously this time I thought I was just gonna loose my whole spirit and come back traumatized for life. Maybe not. I will never know and don’t really want to. If it is a teacher plant, it is one of a kind for what it teaches you is TO LET GO AND RELAX CONTROL, if you don’t, it sends you to Hell! It is without any doubt the kind of experience to be approached only be highly experienced shamans or maybe bad ass meditators that might be able to stand out and just watch without identification…. NOT ME!
Coming out, I was full of joy – even if a bit puzzled – but the effect were still on some levels since Tupac was cracking out loud telling me “I don’t understand French”…. I couldn’t speak straight into Spanish and everytime I tried, I ended up the sentence in French WITHOUT BEING CONSCIOUS OF IT!
In the end, I took a quick glimpse into what could have been Hell… I can already heard my Inner Voice whispering “Sebastien, please be more careful my friend…”